Chemistry. Good, But Not Everything.
I figure even though I'm not ready to actually TRY dating, there's no harm in reading up on it. So for the last few months, I've been reading a few of the relationship/dating advice blogs that abound on the Web. One of my favorites is Evan's. He's a dating coach & a published author, and I like the way he answers the questions he gets.
Chemistry is mentioned fairly often in people's questions, and one of the answers Evan gave was sort of an "A-Ha" moment for me - essentially that chemistry is not, and does not necessarily indicate, compatibility. Wow. Now maybe some people instinctively know that, or intellectually realize it, but I have a feeling that I did neither. For me, it was a brand new way of looking at chemistry. It makes sense, now that I think about it, but wow.
The other thing that has shocked me as I've been reading these blogs is that people seem to, as a standard practice, have sex awfully early on in new relationships. Or just dating. Like anywhere from the first date, to within the first week, to within the first month. Now, I love sex, but I must be an extreme prude, 'cause that's certainly not what I hope to do whenever I do decide to start dating. Not that I've never done some of those things - I slept with my now-ex-husband on our very first date - but as Standard Operating Procedure? No way.
So I guess I won't be doing much long-term dating, huh?
Chemistry is mentioned fairly often in people's questions, and one of the answers Evan gave was sort of an "A-Ha" moment for me - essentially that chemistry is not, and does not necessarily indicate, compatibility. Wow. Now maybe some people instinctively know that, or intellectually realize it, but I have a feeling that I did neither. For me, it was a brand new way of looking at chemistry. It makes sense, now that I think about it, but wow.
The other thing that has shocked me as I've been reading these blogs is that people seem to, as a standard practice, have sex awfully early on in new relationships. Or just dating. Like anywhere from the first date, to within the first week, to within the first month. Now, I love sex, but I must be an extreme prude, 'cause that's certainly not what I hope to do whenever I do decide to start dating. Not that I've never done some of those things - I slept with my now-ex-husband on our very first date - but as Standard Operating Procedure? No way.
So I guess I won't be doing much long-term dating, huh?
posted by Just-Me-Jen at 6:28 PM
2 Comments:
I don't know, I think there are men out there who are willing to wait till you're ready. If you find one, let me know.
I think my trouble has been that I've always wanted a relationship where the guy is my best friend, and thinks I'm as wonderful as I think he's wonderful. I've just about decided that I'm never gonna find that, and I won't settle for anything less. I don't know, though-maybe as the years go by, I'll be willing to settle for less, if I can't stand loneliness. But that's not something I think about a lot.
I like the best friend idea - I think that makes for a stronger relationship. I'm not really having loneliness issues yet, and I'm not in any rush to start dating, but I'm not totally against the idea, either. Terrified, yes. Against it, no. LOL
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